she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
