Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
