They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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