K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
