Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
