my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
