I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
