Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
