Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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