The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
