Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
