Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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