My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
