$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
