Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i need some magic done to my vagina
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
