i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize