sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
