literally had 100 drinks last night.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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