I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize