a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
