i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
