ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
