So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize