I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
