I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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