he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I didn't notice because vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My bed smells like the plague
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
