Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
