cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
