u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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