She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
