Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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