dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I cut my penus on the lid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize