Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
