it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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