I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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