I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
