Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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