i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
