just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
