Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize