Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
