Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
