420 ftw
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize