She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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