Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I only lived at night.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
