PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
