Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
