i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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