Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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