I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
