Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
