Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
