He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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