it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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