The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
