Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
