flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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