You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
