My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
