haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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