i jhust puked up my retainher.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
