i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
