Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
