So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
