Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize