She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
