Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
