Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I could make wine with my vomit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
